Exploring Your Relationship with Alcohol with Teri Patterson

Subscribe: Apple Podcasts | RSS

 

The holidays are once again upon us… a time to eat, drink, and be merry!

But if one of those activities is taking up more time, energy, and headspace than you’d like or causing friction in your relationships (I’m looking at you, Drink!) then this episode is for you.

I chat with Teri Patterson, also known as The Sober Nutritionist, who helps women explore and understand their relationship with alcohol with curiosity and without judgement. 

Teri shares her own experience of looking at how alcohol fit into her life… until it didn’t… the resistance she had to giving it up, and the amazing things she has discovered being sober for the last 7 years.

Download Teri’s free gift for listeners… 5 Healthy Reasons to Take a Break From Alcohol

 

• Teri’s website: https://thesobernutritionist.com/
• Connect with Teri on Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/teri.thesobernutritionist
• Connect with Teri on Instagram
• Book a call with Teri

Episode Transcript

Laurie:
I’m Laurie Mallon and this is the Results Without Restriction podcast. The show where results have nothing to do with weight and everything to do with setting and reaching health and fitness goals that focus on what we’re achieving and not what we’re losing.

We’ll talk about deprogramming from diet culture and get expert advice on reclaiming your relationship with food and movement.

Join me on this journey to get results without restriction.

Welcome everyone. I am here with Teri Patterson. She is a functional nutritionist and she is also a This Naked Mind senior coach.

Teri blends her knowledge of nutrition with her passion for living an alcohol-free life into a unique business as The Sober Nutritionist. Teri’s mission is to help her clients discover how drinking less can actually be the key to better health.

Teri is also the host of the popular podcast The Sober Edge, inspiration for alcohol-free living, and she’s the creator of the brand new Self Experience, a place for women after alcohol who want to build a life by design and not by default.

Welcome, Teri.

Teri:
Well hello Laurie, thanks for having me on the podcast.

Laurie:
I have to tell you that I got so much great feedback and excitement about having you on the podcast to talk about alcohol consumption and health and all of the things that surround that.

One thing that I like to kind of start with at the beginning of this episode is, you know, the podcast is called Results Without Restriction and how can we talk about cutting out alcohol, right? Isn’t that restriction?

The way that I see restriction is when you tell yourself you can’t have something. And the lens that we’re looking at this through is you’re choosing. You’re examining. You’re exploring the relationship between what happens when you consume something. How does it feel in your body? How do you feel about it? If it’s working for you, if it’s not working for you, you can choose not to consume. You can choose to avoid it. That’s not restriction.

So I’d like to get that out of the way before I get any messages about that.

So Teri, what I like to do first with my guests is go over backstory. How did you get to the point where you are The Sober Nutritionist?

Teri:
Yeah, so that’s a great question. And really for me, I think I was kind of what I would call myself a wellness enthusiast. I was always interested in just kind of trying some things, whether it was green smoothies or lifestyle hacks.

I always considered myself kind of a normal drinker. I just sort of socially drank. And then as alcohol does, it does create a tolerance. We can talk a little bit about why that happens in the brain, but I started finding myself drinking more to get the same effects.

I got to a place where I looked at my life and I thought, well, if I value wellness and I just don’t feel like alcohol is really creating that sense. I was spending a lot of mental energy thinking about drinking, thinking about not drinking, wondering if I should cut back.

I just started to have this disconnect with alcohol. In the beginning it was sort of fun and social and take it or leave it, and then it got to be much more consuming.

I didn’t have any rock bottoms. I didn’t have, fortunately, no DUI. I didn’t lose a job. Although those things can happen when we have a complicated relationship with alcohol and we find ourselves over-drinking.

But for me it was really just this sort of nagging voice that said, “Is this really working for you?” And what would happen if you took a break?

So it’s coming up on seven years for me. And seven years ago I didn’t really know if there were other options out there. I really thought twelve-step, the traditional Alcoholics Anonymous, was kind of the thing, and I really didn’t want to do that.

I live in a small town. I had a lot of unfounded fears about what that might look like. And so I had tried moderating for a long time, and again it took up a lot of headspace. If I don’t drink on Wednesday, can I drink on Friday? And if I only have beer, can I have something else?

It was just kind of a mental game and that wasn’t working. And so when I stopped drinking, I just stopped. And I told myself if I couldn’t stop, I might need to go to meetings.

That was kind of the beginning for me of this journey that is now coming up on seven years of not drinking alcohol.

Laurie:
One thing that you said there, and it really rang true for me, was it taking up a lot of mental space for you to kind of moderate. If I do this on Thursday, can I do this Friday? If I only have beer, then can I have one?

A lot of correlations there with diet culture, making those distinctions where you have to spend a lot of time thinking about if I do this, can I do that. It just didn’t seem like it was worth it for you to keep having to do these calculations.

I think it’s interesting that you mentioned that it was black or white. It was either drink and figure out how to do that in a way that worked for you, or twelve-step, go the recovery route, and that really wasn’t working for you either. There wasn’t a lot of middle ground there.

And now what’s so fascinating is where we are in our culture. We’ve really had this sober curious movement, and there are lots of options out there now.

Teri:
Yeah. And so what happened for me was when I stopped drinking, I suddenly had all of this time and energy. So I took that passion for wellness and I decided to become a nutritionist.

I went to the Nutritional Therapy Association and became a nutritionist. When I got there, I thought, well, these are my people. Everybody will be valuing wellness and they won’t be drinking alcohol. And that wasn’t the case at all.

They’re humans. And there is a lot of information out there, a lot of misinformation, a lot of misdirection around the health benefits of alcohol, for example.

I was learning so much about the body, but we weren’t learning a lot about alcohol in the body. So I did that independent research myself.

I found that my nutrition clients, their health just wasn’t turning the corner if alcohol was still involved. So I started coaching people to take a look at alcohol.

I found that that was a really challenging place for people, and I didn’t have as many tools as I wanted to. So I went and became a certified coach in the methodology of This Naked Mind, which helps people take a break, but it looks very different than those traditional twelve-step programs.

When I discovered the work of Annie Grace, who founded This Naked Mind, I thought, that’s what I would have needed. And that’s something I can offer to my clients.

It’s a very different model of how to explore our relationship with alcohol without all of the black-and-white that comes with those traditional views and programs.

Laurie:
I like this because growing up, you know, like in my twenties, it was either you drank or you didn’t. And if you didn’t, you were either pregnant, you had a problem. There wasn’t this space where you could really just choose to not drink and people mind their business about it.

So I love that this is becoming more prevalent, more acceptable, to just say, yeah, this is just not something I participate in. Let’s move on. It’s not a thing.

When you started working with your clients and their relationships with alcohol, what were some of the things that you were seeing that were coming up for them in terms of what they expected to find when they looked into that, and what they actually found?

Teri:
Yeah, it’s fascinating because there’s a lot to unpack there. It can be around their health.

For me, if I take my own story, I was really stuck on it’s going to be boring, people are going to be boring, I might be boring. How will I have fun?

Alcohol was just a part of my world. If I went to a baby shower, there were mimosas. If I went out to dinner, there were drinks. I often had a drink before I went to dinner. I did a lot of drinking at home. Wine while cooking dinner. Wine after dinner. Cocktails on the weekend. Breweries. Going to festivals where there was beer. Going to Oktoberfest.

So it was very challenging to think, what is life going to look like if I take alcohol out? Because it was touching on all of the relationships, all of the activities, all of the daily routines.

I think for people, we really get stuck on, I don’t know how to untangle this. So there are a lot of assumptions about what’s going to happen.

We think we’re going to lose all of our friends. We won’t be able to hang out with the same people. And that’s not true.

Then we think that life’s going to be very dull and boring, and that’s not true.

Then we think that all of the things we use alcohol for, around stress, around boredom, around connection, we really get to challenge each and every one of those areas.

When we really look at the way that alcohol acts in our body and creates this dynamic of how we show up, it’s very different than what we assume on the other side.

This is what’s so powerful about just exploring it with an open mind and saying, gosh, is it really building connection if I feel lonely and I drink because I’m lonely and I’m drinking alone? Is that helping loneliness, or is that actually fostering less connection?

These are the things that are fascinating to explore with people. There are a few things that are very similar, and then everybody sort of has their own hang-ups.

Laurie:
What you said about how far-reaching alcohol is into every facet, right? It’s to unwind after work. It’s with dinner, after dinner, weekends, events, socially, hanging out. It’s so pervasive.

Sometimes we just may not even realize until we make that conscious decision to say, let’s take a step back and investigate what it might feel like and why we’re hesitant to scale back on that.

Because like you said, what if everything is boring? What if I’m boring? My life is boring. What does that say about me if I actually do need alcohol to make my life, to make me interesting, exciting, and fun? That’s really interesting.

Teri:
One of the ways to look at this too is if we think about the ways that alcohol connects for any individual.

I like to talk about it in these three layers. We have the substance of alcohol. We use alcohol because it helps with food pairing, like it makes food taste better.

Then we look at society. I need alcohol to loosen up when I’m at a party because I have a little social anxiety.

Then we look at self. I need alcohol to help me get through parenting, for example.

So we really unpack these layers of substance, society, and self.

There are a lot of ways that alcohol has been socially presented to us culturally, like the mommy wine culture, for example.

We look at these ways and we get to ask ourselves, gosh, is it really true? What does it mean that I have to have wine to parent my children? What is the message there, and is that really true?

So we spend a lot of time asking, is that true, and noticing where alcohol’s accepted messaging around the alcohol industry and the way alcohol is used shows up in our lives.

We really want to look at that and think, is that really true? How’s that showing up in my life? And is that what I want to be showing up in my life?

Laurie:
I love that you mentioned two things. One is the mommy wine culture and how it’s just so acceptable or even expected that drinking wine is what we need to do to cope or to be a good parent.

That has been so irritating to me for so long. It’s like, what does that mean?

I love the specific phrase about the beliefs that we have around alcohol. Is this true?

So many times, like in the messaging around advertising, alcohol companies, beer companies, the messages we receive, so many of us don’t stop to think, wait a minute, is that true?

Do I have any evidence to prove that? What would it look like if I just suspended that belief for a second and lived my life that way? What would that look like? How exciting would that be? How interesting? What would I learn?

Teri:
Yeah. And here’s an interesting example.

If alcohol really helped with stress, would you want your brain surgeon to take a drink before they started working? Because you don’t want them stressed. You want them focused and relaxed.

Would you want your child going into the SAT to take a shot of alcohol because we want them to be relaxed?

When we start to think about it in terms of what the messaging is and what actually is true, it’s kind of laughable.

We don’t want our brain surgeon drinking alcohol. So then we get to ask, does it really relax people?

And then we get to use that curiosity and explore.

Laurie:
I think that’s probably something a lot of people have been missing, because this is just what we do. It’s just so socially acceptable.

When you work with clients and we’re exploring alcohol in our lives and our health, what are some of the myths or pitfalls that you see people buying into or falling into as they investigate these relationships?

Teri:
I think probably the biggest one is this idea that we need to stop drinking, that behavior is the most important part.

I like to say behavior comes last.

The methodology I use is if someone comes to me wanting to change their relationship with alcohol and they’re still drinking, the first thing we do is quit trying to quit.

We take what we call a pause.

This is counterintuitive, but we stop putting willpower and judgment and rules around drinking, and we start exploring why.

Why do I like to have a drink? Do I like it, or do I feel like I have to have it? Do I feel like I can’t stop, or do I feel like I’m not sure I want to stop?

We bring curiosity and knowledge into what’s behind the drinking before we change the behavior.

During the pause, we practice mindful drinking.

We might notice that it’s three o’clock in the afternoon and we’re already thinking about drinking later. Then we ask, what just happened?

Am I tired? Am I stressed? Do I need a walk? Do I need water? Do I need food?

When we get home, we notice habits. Maybe it’s automatic to pour a glass of wine. What if we start with protein? What if we wait ten minutes?

No judgment.

Behavior comes last.

Laurie:
There was so much there. What I love is that this is like mindful eating.

If we’ve been living with diet rules and we can eat at this time and we can’t eat after eight o’clock, what would it look like if instead of mindlessly following rules or giving into habits, we put some awareness behind it and said, what’s happening when I have this feeling or this craving?

What’s actually going on around me? What’s going on inside me? What is it that makes me want to reach for that to solve this problem or soothe or comfort or whatever it looks like?

That sounds like a really forgiving way to start exploring. We’re not doing cold tofurkey, I call it, because I don’t eat meat. We’re not using all our willpower to resist.

We’re really learning about how we’ve been interacting with alcohol and how we’ve been using alcohol in our lives.

The data point piece, I love this. How do you learn unless you have an experience? You’re not just not drinking, you’re drinking and then you can say, here’s what happened.

Maybe something didn’t go the way I wanted. What was happening before? What happened during? What can I learn from this?

It’s about learning the patterns we’ve grooved around alcohol and consumption.

Teri:
Yes. And there’s this beautiful framework where we talk about the four C’s.

This comes from the work of another coach, but we think confidence is what we need first. And actually, just like behavior, confidence comes last.

The first thing is commitment. We commit to exploring our relationship with alcohol with curiosity, grace, and compassion.

Then comes courage. We step out and do the thing.

Then the third piece, which is the most important, is capability. This is where data points come in. Capability takes practice.

We don’t practice by doing it perfectly. We practice by trying something, noticing what worked, noticing what didn’t, and adjusting.

We might realize, oh, I thought my data point was when my partner was irritated with me, but now I’m realizing it’s when I’m irritated with anyone.

Those insights are incredibly valuable.

Then, after commitment, courage, and capability, confidence comes.

That’s when people say, okay, I think I’ve got this. I’m going to keep going. I’m going to extend my break.

What happens on the other side of not drinking is that people don’t realize how much alcohol impacts them until it’s gone.

It’s like food sensitivities. If someone is sensitive to gluten but always eating gluten, they won’t know how good they could feel until they remove it.

The same thing happens with alcohol.

People start sleeping better. They wake up with more energy. Cravings reduce. Mood improves. Life feels lighter. They try new things.

Often, they don’t want to go back to the place where life felt just a little less than.

Laurie:
I love that you mentioned grace and courage.

Grace because you’re doing something new and you might suck at it. And that’s okay.

A lot of people suck at things when they first start. You have to give yourself grace and be willing to try again.

And courage to keep going until you build the toolset to handle it.

That four C framework sounds like a very encouraging and nurturing place to start exploring your relationship with alcohol.

Laurie:
One thing that’s coming up for people is alcohol consumption during the holidays. As a social lubricant, as a stress management tool, as an ever-present party guest.

What are some tools or suggestions you have for listeners going into the holidays to bring awareness to their alcohol consumption?

Teri:
It depends a little on someone’s goal, but let’s say someone wants to cut back and explore drinking less and they have a lot of boozy events coming up.

The first thing is to check in with yourself. Are you going to these events because you feel like you have to, and alcohol is the only way you’ll get through them?

Can you cut back on some events?

Instead of a boozy dinner, maybe you do a cookie baking night or a holiday movie night.

The second thing is making a firm plan.

Decision fatigue is real. If you decide ahead of time that this is a non-drinking night, that helps.

Maybe you’re the designated driver. Maybe you leave early. Maybe you hit the gym the next morning.

There are beautiful mocktails and non-alcoholic beers now. You can plan what you’ll drink ahead of time.

The third thing is what we call a buddy, a plan, and an excuse.

You tell a friend you’re not drinking. They can help if things get awkward.

And you give yourself permission to leave if things get messy.

Visualization helps too. Play it forward. Is alcohol really going to serve me at a work event?

Laurie:
Those are great tips, especially for professional events.

When I worked in an office, I always thought these are not the people who need to see me after a few drinks. That’s not the vision I want them to have of me on Monday.

So those are really helpful holiday-centered tips.

Laurie:
Teri, can we talk about how people can work with you and what it looks like to be in a program with you?

Teri:
I work with people one-on-one to take a break from alcohol. You can find me at thesobernutritionist.com.

I also host The Sober Edge podcast, where I share inspiring stories of people who’ve stopped drinking and what opened up for them on the other side.

I’m also launching a program in November called The Self Experience.

This is for women who’ve taken a break from alcohol and want more connection, growth, and intention.

It’s about applying the four C’s after alcohol. Setting intention. Knowing yourself. Growing. Loving yourself. Being yourself.

You can find more information on my website.

Laurie:
Perfect. I’ll have all of the links in the show notes so people can connect with you.

You also have a free gift for listeners, your Five Reasons to Take a Break from Alcohol guide. We’ll link that in the show notes as well.

Laurie:
I’d like to wrap up with your top three tips, but those holiday tips were really strong. Do you have three more for us?

Teri:
Alcohol is going to be around us no matter what. It’s at ball games, barbecues, everywhere.

One thing that helps is getting comfortable talking about taking a break.

You might say, I’m exploring. I’m doing a thirty-day challenge. Alcohol wasn’t serving me.

Alcohol is the only drug we have to justify not taking.

So have your intention. Say it with confidence and pride.

This is your wellness. You get to choose how you want to feel in five or ten years.

One of the most beautiful things about letting go of alcohol is being more present in your own life and with other people.

There’s no replacement for that.

Laurie:
Those are great tips.

Thank you so much for being here, Teri.

Frequently Asked Questions About Your Relationship With Alcohol

What does “relationship with alcohol” mean?

Your relationship with alcohol refers to how drinking fits into your life emotionally, physically, and socially. It includes why you drink, how often you drink, how it makes you feel, and whether it supports or complicates your health, stress levels, and relationships.

How can my relationship with alcohol impact my health?

Alcohol can affect sleep, energy, mood, digestion, hormones, and stress response. Even moderate drinking may impact health in ways people don’t immediately connect to alcohol, especially when it becomes a regular coping tool rather than a conscious choice.

Can alcohol affect relationships even if I don’t drink “too much”?

Yes. Alcohol can influence communication, emotional availability, patience, and presence. Some people notice increased conflict, disconnection, or emotional distance, while others realize they rely on alcohol to feel relaxed or social in relationships.

Do I need to quit drinking to improve my relationship with alcohol?

No. Improving your relationship with alcohol does not automatically mean quitting forever. Many people start by simply becoming more aware of when, why, and how they drink, and then decide what level of alcohol use feels supportive for them.

How is exploring alcohol different from restriction?

Restriction is driven by rules, guilt, or “shoulds.” Exploring your relationship with alcohol is about curiosity and choice. You’re paying attention to how alcohol affects you and deciding what aligns with your health and values, without labels or pressure.

What are signs my relationship with alcohol might be worth exploring?

Some common signs include thinking about drinking often, using alcohol to manage stress or emotions, feeling conflicted about how much you drink, noticing health changes, or spending a lot of mental energy trying to moderate.

How is alcohol similar to diet culture patterns?

Alcohol moderation often mirrors diet culture, with rules, bargaining, and mental calculations. Exploring your relationship with alcohol can reveal familiar patterns like all-or-nothing thinking, guilt, or relying on external rules instead of internal cues.

Can taking a break from alcohol improve mental clarity?

Many people report better sleep, improved mood, more stable energy, and clearer thinking after taking a break. A break can provide valuable insight into how alcohol affects your nervous system and daily life.

What’s a supportive first step to explore my relationship with alcohol?

Start by noticing without judgment. Pay attention to when you want a drink, what’s happening around you, how you feel before and after, and what need you’re hoping alcohol will meet. Awareness often leads to clarity without force.